Genesis 1

Helpful Equations:
nothing + "God" = the heavens + the earth
earth = void
evening + morning = day

Now that's out of the way, here it is: a good start to whatever the fuck it is I'm doing. And what better day to begin? At any rate, it is half past two in the morning, so don't expect good writing. Actually, don't ever expect good writing; this blog mainly exists so that I have to keep reading it. Yes, ladies and right proper sirs, it's worse than Twilight - it's the Bible.

I thought I'd better start at the beginning even though I got to Leviticus last time I tried to read straight through. I was right, because who would want to miss the beginning of this book? Everyone. It's a list. It's not even really a story, so suck on that, creationists. The phrase "Creation Story" is a LIE if you try to make it pertain to Christianity.

It is a list, as I mentioned two lines ago, but it is a list that I (don't know why I) decided to turn (it) into a table.




























So there it is. I wrote it in a notebook WITH NO RULER. This is the sort of thing a lot of the rest of the blog will look like. It will be hanging off the page, probably. I was worried it wouldn't fit in the notebook, though, so there's that at least. I was going to caption it, but the formatting keeps jumping it to the top and I DON'T CARE, IT'S NEARLY THREE AM. NO CAPTION FOR YOU CAPSLOCK RAAAAAAGE.

So. The WTF moment. Evening and morning exist before the sun and any rational conception of time on Earth. Oh, well.

Final Lesson(s)?
Evening and morning have fuck-all to do with the sun.
God's firmament is shitty because it leaks all the time.
Fuck lakes and rivers. Double fuck to puddles, no-one likes them except small children with new rain boots.
Fuck counting.
Fuck animals. The earth is just a lazy ass today.
Fuck animals. Hyoomuns are SO MUCH COOLER.